12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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