I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
