tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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