i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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