Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
