god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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