I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
