that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Fuck appropriateness.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
