Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
