I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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