She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
