So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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