if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
