im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
