Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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