I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
