I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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