i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
