I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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