No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and she was petting her beer can
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
