Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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