The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
