Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
