"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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