Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
