did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
