She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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