Cold hands, warm shart.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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