singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
