so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
