The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
