opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
