a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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