That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
