They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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