Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
