oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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