My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
