Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
