I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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