i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
