omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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