hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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