trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
