i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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