Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
