Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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