Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
