you traded sex for a burrito?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
