went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
