If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
