she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
