This house was built for laser tag.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
