after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
